The Many Deaths Of Kai Leng
by Blood-Hawk-531
Summary: Kai Leng is dead. He has died at the hands of a myriad of people, across an incalculable number of alternate worlds. These are some of the many deaths of the one known as Kai Leng, the Cerberus assassin. A one-shot celebrating the humiliation of everyone's least favourite Shepard-wannabe. Warnings for death, language, and implied brutality.


**Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect; I do not.**

**Author's Note: Hello, all ye other lads and lasses of the Mass Effect community! I had this idea after my latest play-through of ME3, and I couldn't find more than one Kai Leng humiliation story on this site (that single story is "You've Got Mail!" by TenyumeKasumi, by the way). I aim to help correct this gross error. As such, I now present…**

**THE MANY DEATHS OF KAI LENG**

There is a theory, known as the many-worlds interpretation, that there are an infinite number of alternate universes, including our own, and that collectively they represent all possible alternate histories and futures – that they represent all possible outcomes of every situation in the timeline that ever has been or ever will be.

One example of this is the death of Kai Leng. Commander Shepard killed him on the Cerberus-controlled Chronos Station, but due to the nature of the multiverse, he has also died in an infinite number of other ways and in an infinite number of locations in other universes. Here are just some of them.

* * *

-JOKER AND EDI-

Kai Leng was waiting for Shepard. When Shepard reached his location, he would kill her and bring her head to the Illusive Man, who would be forced to admit that Leng was Shepard's superior. She would no longer be a thorn in his side.

A sudden and completely unexpected sight rather rudely interrupted his thoughts. The elegantly deadly shape of the _Normandy_ dropped into view in front of him, downward-oriented jets flaring to keep the vessel in a sort of hover.

A male voice crackled over his omnitool. _"So, you're Kai Leng, huh? You don't look like much; guess that's why you needed a gunship to save your ass against Shepard on Thessia."_

Leng's hands tightened to fists; it was that damned pilot. Regardless, he began slowly stepping backward, prepared to turn and run for his shuttle at any moment.

A second voice joined the pilot's; this one was female, modulated – the AI. _"Jeff and I are of the opinion that the phrase 'turnabout is fair play' applies quite well in this situation." _A cannon extended below the frigate's nose; Leng's eyes widened behind his visor and he turned to sprint for his shuttle. Too late.

Leng dimly heard part of a last declaration from the pilot – _"Yippee ki yay, moth-"_ – before he was struck by the Normandy's cannon. There was a moment of light and unbelievable heat and pain, and then nothing.

* * *

-GARRUS-

The shot was perfect, and he took a moment to savour it: a work of art that hit a target smaller than a Terran apple from over half a kilometre away. Of course, he supposed it was easy when the target wasn't moving, and had no warning of his oncoming demise. Still, pegging that smug Cerberus assassin through the centre of his forehead so flawlessly was incredibly cathartic, and the video footage from his visor would make a good present for Shepard.

Garrus smirked, cycling the action on his sniper rifle and popping the heat sink. Turning, he walked slowly back to where the shuttle was concealed behind a handy bluff, in no particular hurry.

* * *

-TALI-

Leng found himself unable to move. His cybernetic enhancements and armour seemed to have simply locked up, and he couldn't move. Out from behind a corner in front of him sauntered that female suit-rat that was always with Shepard. Her omnitool was active, lighting up the front of her envirosuit with an orange glow.

"Your cybernetics were pathetically easy to hack, you know," she said in a calm, conversational tone, like she was commenting on the weather. "It seems that paying you back for Thessia will be easier than I thought, Cerberus _bosh'tet."_

A button was pressed on the omnitool, and an orange combat drone flickered into existence. The suit-rat spoke again: "_Bosh'tet, _meet Chikktika vas Paus. Chikktika, meet _bosh'tet."_ He could just pick out her eyes narrowing through the helmet. "Now, Chikktika, _go for the optics."_

Due to the hacking, the visor on Leng's face, which was normally hinged to allow him to talk, was locked shut and immobile. As such, he couldn't even scream.

* * *

-LIARA-

The asari glared at her immobile target, the Cerberus assassin trapped in her stasis field. There was no emotion to be seen in her eyes, but the biotic corona around her frame seemed to exude a palpable feeling of cold, focused rage.

"I've yet to be able to produce a singularity than can completely obliterate a human's body," she said calmly, a dense, spherical mass of dark energy cupped in her palm; a cold and utterly humourless smile appeared on her face. "However, I can guarantee that once this one exhausts itself, there won't be enough of you left to fill a coffee cup. This is for Thessia."

Then the world disappeared in crushing agony.

* * *

-HARBINGER-

**PATHETIC.**

The ground quaked under his feet, under the steps of the eons-old engine of destruction and death.

**INFERIOR.**

The metal bulk loomed overhead, a glowing carmine lens staring down on him like the eye of an angry god.

**INSIGNIFICANT. **

The very air seemed to flex and compress from the mechanical roar of the Reaper.

**YOUR LEADER THINKS HE CAN CONTROL US. HE IS MISTAKEN. HIS SUCCESSES WITH OUR THRALLS HAVE MADE HIM OVERCONFIDENT AND THUS WEAK. WE ARE FAR BEYOND ANYTHING HE CAN EVER HOPE TO COMPREHEND, LET ALONE COMMAND.**

A great and terrible heat built up in the atmosphere, now heavy with the scent of scorched metal.

**YOU ARE NOTHING, NOT EVEN AN ANNOYANCE AS SHEPARD IS. YOU WILL NOT ASCEND. YOU WILL SIMPLY CEASE TO BE, AND YOUR ILLUSIVE MAN WILL JOIN YOU.**

There was a sound like thunder, a flare of bloody red light, and then oblivion.

* * *

**Author's Note: And that's a wrap! Thank you for reading, and make sure to review!**

**Now, to those of you wondering, I intentionally never actually listed any concrete locations for where any of these situations occur, so feel free to picture it as set wherever you feel it should be. Also, I currently do not have plans to continue this fic, but if enough people are of a mind that I should continue it, then I may add another chapter or two with different characters.**


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